To trust or not to trust... that is the question

I think I need some advice from anyone willing to give it.  How do you trust anyone after you have been burned so badly?  When you have been lied to time after time after time, and the forgiving nature you have is so easily taken advantage of?  It is who I am.  I forgive because I don't think I need to hold onto all the bad things that people can do to you.  How do you ever trust someone after that though?  I can't continue letting people take advantage of me.  My fear is I am going to analyze every little thing that someone tells me.  Look at it in all directions, and all the possible lies they may be telling me.  I am afraid I am going to sabotage anything good that I may come across because of how I was treated in the past.  I don't want to make the same mistakes, so how do I trust again????

Day 14 A person I would trade places with for a day.....

Well this will be short, sweet and to the point.  This is the person I would trade places with for one day.

Johnny Depp's wife Vanessa Paradis.  Um hello, he is soooo super delicious!  I would do anything to get to spend a day with that yummy man.  Then I could just take a small chunk of his change before I switched back to my normal awesome life : )

I do have to say though there would only be one other person I would switch with, but I am going to keep that one to myself : )

Day 13 A story about a past relationship.....

I have chosen to write about the relationship that has had the biggest impact on my life, and that would obviously be my 14 1/2 year marriage to Jarom.   I met Jarom when I was 13 years old and when you are that young you don't quite think straight.  Needless to say I was pregnant by 15 and had a baby and was married by 16.  It was rough.  I don't know that we ever saw eye to eye on anything.  Not the way we raised our kids to the way we treated each other.  We did have some wonderful times so don't get me wrong.  There were some awesome trips we were able to take, and of course I have three great boys that I love so dearly.  Jarom and I fought A LOT and it really took a toll on us.  He worked on Saturdays and he was in a profession that if he didn't work he didn't get paid.  So any family event that took place I would have to go without him and that was upsetting to him.  There were many events in our marriage that added up to the demise of our relationship, not all his fault.  I absolutely had a hand in some of them.  I think we had a love for each other but were never fully in love.  I have many regrets on some of the decisions I made and I can only hope that he does too.  The hardest thing to do was finally stick to my guns and leave.  It is a very scary situation to be comfortable and stable financially to being a single mom and having to make it on my own.  I am very grateful for the support I am able to receive from my family.  Especially my parents right now.  It was to the point that I felt worthless and nothing I said or did mattered.  I felt I could not express myself or even be myself because he could not understand how I could be happy all the time when he wasn't.  My divorce was final a week ago Monday and I do feel a large black cloud has been lifted off my shoulders.  I will always love him, but not the way he needs to be loved.  I truly wish nothing but the best for him and can only hope he treats his next relationship with more respect then what he gave to ours. 

I also know what I want out of a new relationship.  I have thought long and hard about this so if you find this person for me, send him my way.  Most of all I want to laugh.  I want to be able to talk about the most unimportant things and because it is us talking about it, it is important.  I want to joke and kid around and laugh at really silly things. He has to appreciate the fact that I have three kids and want to include them in everything.  He needs to accept my crazy family and know they are a HUGE part of my life.  He needs to enjoy asking me out for a special night, but know I am not that picky when it comes to spending time with the right person.  I love to just curl up in a blanket and watch a movie at home or maybe even a sporting event.  He needs to give me my girl time.  I wont ask for a lot, but I need it.  In return I would never deny him of boy time.  I think having mutual and separate friends in any relationship is important.  He needs to speak kindly to me.  I don't need to be treated like I am a child and scorned for not doing exactly what he tells me to do.  I am my own person.  I want someone who will just wrap his arms around me and thank me for the things I do.  I want to be treated as an equal and have him be willing to help me out when I feel I am drowning.  I want someone who loves the outdoors, because I don't mind getting dirty.  I want someone that I can't imagine my life without, someone who makes me a better person.  I hope this is not asking too much because if it is then I am up a poop creek!

Birthdays and Coffins!

I know what you are thinking.  What kind of a title is that?  Well let me take a moment to explain.  On Friday, March 18 my baby Jaxon turned 5.  Jarom, Jordan, Shad and I took him to McDonald's and then to go see Rango.  Then on Sunday Ben, Kelly, Ryan and Ethan came over for hamburgers and then some cake and ice cream.  YUMMY!  Here are a few candids from the evening.

Jaxon is soooo excited about his Slip n' Slide.  Everyday we come home from the sitters and he asks if he can go play on it.  I am so tired of hearing it that I am almost tempted to let him.  Hehehe!  Maybe he will quit asking.

Kelly and Ben got him play doh , a harmonica and silly bands.  Thanks Kelly he goes to bed with that stinking harmonica EVERY night!  He enjoyed getting to play with his cousins and had a nice time both evenings.  Thanks everyone for celebrating with him!

Now on to coffins.  I had a marvelous conversation with Liz the other day and it went a little something like this.

Summer starts to laugh uncontrollably as she usually does with Liz.  I don't know if it is her voice that puts a spell on me or what.

LIZ:  Why do you always do that when I am on the phone with you?

SUMMER: I don't know, maybe that is why you were put on this earth.  To make me laugh.

LIZ: Great are you saying that when you die I am going to die also?

SUMMER: Probably, we might as well just be buried together to save money.

LIZ: I get top!!! 

SUMMER: No better yet we should spoon that we we will forever be Big Spoon and Little Spoon.

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Hey Liz, do you think this will be adequate enough?

The best things in life are free!

I had a wonderful, relaxing evening tonight with my babies.  We first watched Beverly Hills Chihuahua 2.  Shad has been dying for the network premiere on ABC family.  He wasn't able to watch it so I DVR it for him. We finally had the chance to see it.  Then we were channel flipping and I found old school Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Elmer Fudd, Marvin the Martian and Road Runner.  We watched an hour of this while Jaxon was laying on my stomach and we snuggled in a blanket.  Did I mention we were eating awesome homemade peanut butter cookies?  YUM YUM!!!  That's what I call an accomplished evening!

Day 12 Put my I pod on shuffle and list the first 40 songs....

This will be easy enough!

1. Rainy Monday by Shiny Toy Guns
2. Sing A Song by Earth, Wind and Fire
3. Why Don't You Get A Job by The Offspring
4. Hey Baby by No Doubt
5. My Love by Justin Timberlake
6. Who Let The Dogs Out by Baha Men
7. The Most Beautiful Girl by Charlie Rich
8. When You Say Nothing At All by Alison Krauss
9. The Power Of Love by Huey Lewis and The News
10. Welcome To Paradise by Green Day
11. The Diary by Hollywood Undead
12. Love The Way You Lie by Eminem feat. Rihanna
13. Lost by Katy Perry
14. Another Brick In The Wall by Pink Floyd
15. Lady Marmalade from Moulin Rouge Soundtrack
16. Peace of Mind by Boston
17. Elephant Love Song Medley from Moulin Rouge Soundtrack
18. Life Is A Highway by Rascal Flatts
19. Hysteria by Muse
20. Freak On A Leash by Korn
21. More Than Words by Extreme
22. Low Rider by War
23. Peaceful Easy Feeling by The Eagles
24. On Broadway by George Benson
25. Dance In The Dark by Lady Gaga
26. Butterflies And Hurricanes by Muse
27. One Of The Boys by Katy Perry
28. Damn Girl by Justin Timberlake
29. Footloose by Kenny Loggins
30. It's Your Love by Tim McGraw & Faith Hill
31. Mr. Roboto by Styx
32. One Step Closer by Linkin Park
33. Chocolate by Snow Patrol
34. Jesus, Take The Wheel by Carrie Underwood
35. The Phantom Of The Opera by Andrew Lloyd Webber
36. Safety Dance by Men Without Hats
37. Seven Nation Army by The White Stripes
38. Baby Love by The Supremes
39. Love Is A Battlefield by Pat Benatar
40. Flightless Bird, American Mouth by Iron & Wine

See I told you I had an eclectic collection of music on my I pod.  I  do enjoy my music!

Day 11 A place I want to see before I die....

I actually have a couple of places I want to see before I die.  As I have mentioned before I love to travel.  Heck I LOVE to road trip.  As long as my passenger does not sleep.  If you do, you have been warned that I can not guarantee you will wake up with a clean face.  Any way you can't get to some of the places I want to go to by car.  I sure wish you could though.  I hate to fly and flying over the ocean is even scarier.  Number one on my list would be

Italy

I just want to travel and see the whole country of Italy.  I do not think I could narrow it down to even three cities..The country is beautiful, the city is beautiful, the fact that it is shaped like a boot is beautiful.  I would kill to visit here. 

Number 2

The Smithsonian and D.C.

I love our nations history, I find it very fascinating.  I would love to learn even more about it.  I really want this to be my next family vacation.  Just to travel to cities that have had an impact on our country would be amazing!  Now that would be the awesomest, yeah I said it, road trip EVER!!!

Last on my list would be Cancun.

I have been to some of the other big hot spots so I just thought I would put this on my list for the heck of it.  I hear the water is absolutely gorgeous and the sand is so white.  I hope I don't make this trip when I am 80 because I can't vow that I will be bikini ready at that age.

I know I dream big sometimes, but if you can't dream big then you have nothing to live for.

Day 10 Nicknames I have or had and why.....

As I sat here looking at this title I thought I don't really have any nicknames.  The longer I thought I realized I sure do so here they are.

• Charmin- As in the toilet paper.  I developed quickly and by the time I was in the 4th grade I was in a D cup bra.  I was made fun of a lot and all throughout elementary the kids called me this because they thought I stuffed it.  RUDE!!!
• DPOC- This was given to me by my brother Brant.  It stands for deranged piece of candy. I walked downstairs one morning in these pajama bottoms that were brightly colored with vertical stripes on them and Brant just blurted that out and it stuck.
• Big Spoon- This is what Liz calls me.  We have spent many a night in the same bed and I always warned her that I cuddle.  So I will be forever be big spoon and she is my little spoon.
• Summer Bummer- Who hasn't called me this at least once in their life?
• Sue Jo- My brother in law Shane gave me this for some reason and he calls me that everyday.  He is the only one I answer to when I hear it called out.
• BFFL- Given to me by Jennie.  It is best friends for life.  She has always called me that and she is my BFFL.

• Blanche- From the Golden Girls and I can only say that the only people who know why are Liz, Zabrina and Jennie because we are the Golden Girls!

Blanche, Sophia, Dorothy and Rose

There you have it a list of my nicknames.  Don't even think about trying to call me one of them because they are already taken so come up with your own : )



Kids say the darndest things!!!

I am going to use this times to write about some super funny things I have heard my children say over the years.  They are so honest sometimes.  I wish I would have written them down because I can't remember everything, so here we go.....

One day shortly after I had Jaxon I was working out.  I still had baby belly and you mothers can relate.  I was on all fours getting ready to do push ups when Shad looked at me and started to laugh.  I asked what was so funny and he says "look Jordan, mom has udders."  Jordan to this day calls me momma moo.

My dad is a little hard of hearing so he is always telling the kids to quiet down when he is watching TV.  Well one night me and my boys were watching a movie and my dad kept talking to my mom.  So Jaxon finally looks at him and says "grandpa less talking, more watching."

One night I was getting Jaxon ready for bed.  I put his pull up on and he starts to thrust his hips back and forth quickly.  I looked at him and said what are you doing and he replied "I am trying to shake my wiener down, I don't like it pointing up."

I was taking Jordan home to his dads one night and we were having a semi serious discussion.  I asked him about a term he had used and how he knew what that meant.  He said to me in a gruff voice "cause I'm a big boy, and I put on my big boy pants."

I was giving Shad a kiss goodnight and getting him into bed.  He just randomly blurts out "mom you don't need to tell me where babies come from.  I already know that you just poop them out."

And one of the sweetest things is last night at a hockey game there was a man in his Army Cami's.  Shad walked up to him and said "Thank you for serving our country!"

My kids can be so sweet and funny at times.  I chose to do this post now so I could remember that they very special to me.  I was actually very angry with them today for not getting along AT ALL!!!  I needed to remind myself that you have to take the good with the bad in order to survive.

Day 9 Something I crave....

I am a total girl when it comes to certain things.  So this should be completely obvious.

What girl in her right mind wouldn't crave chocolate?

Pepsi and Doritos are very high on that list also.  I really love them together too.

Once again back to being a girl.  I LOVE SHOES!  My dream is to one day own a pair that cost in between $500 and $1000 dollars.  Call me crazy, but that is a lifelong goal.  Even if it doesn't happen till I am 80.  I don't care, I will wear them even if it kills me. ( Or brakes my hip )

Those of you who know me, know that I am a huggy person.  I would have to say at this point in time I crave passionate kisses.  They are so yummy!

I also can say I crave walks on the beach.  They are just so much fun.  This is me a Zabrina in the Atlantic ocean.  She was my walking buddy that day. If there is anyone out there willing to give me something that I crave it would be greatly appreciated.

Day 8 A hobby I have....

I guess I can't really say that I have a hobby.  Wait I guess blogging would be considered one. So there you have it.  I enjoy blogging....  Yeah right you don't think I would let you get off that easy?  I used to scrapbook all the time, but when I started working full time it became more difficult.  So here are a few leisure activities I enjoy doing.

I do enjoy camping and hiking.  I like being out in the open air or sitting by the camp fire telling stories.  Those of you who know me know how I love a good funny story.

I am not the best player by any means, but I do love the sport.  In the summer their is nothing better than a baseball game, beer and a hot dog.  If I could afford it I would go to one everyday all summer long.  I also love watching my boys play.  They are pretty excited also that they start practice in a few weeks.  YAY!

I love playing board and card games.  It is so much fun to get family and friends together for this fun filled adventure.  (When you play cards with my mom, watch out.  This is when her sailor mouth attacks)  sorry mom!

I love movies.  It doesn't even have to be in the theater.  Their is nothing better then curling up in a blanket at home watching a movie you have been patiently waiting to come out on DVD.

One more thing that I love to do above all else is just hang out with my family and friends.  I love having people over for dinner or a BBQ.  The bigger the gathering the better.  Since most my brothers live elsewhere we don't get together as a whole family too often.  This last Christmas was the last time and could very well be the last time until 2012. We had a blast! I love every chance we all get to spend together.

Day 7 Something you dislike....

Oh my stars and stripes forever.  This is going to be fun.  You may even say to yourself  " yep, she is crazy fo sho"  When I hear myself talk about this it even sounds slightly ridiculous to me.  So here we go.

I cant even begin to tell you how much I HATE cheese.  It is something that is meant to be old and moldy and I have a super hard time wrapping my head around that concept.  I WILL vomit if I even taste blue cheese.  In my opinion, it holds the highest "NASTY" rating in my book of cheese.  Now for the crazy.  I have become accustomed to the flavor of asiago cheese.  I actually enjoy it in my Italian food.  I still don't think I could just sit down and take a nice big chunk and chow down. 

Here is a little more crazy ole' Summer for ya.  I also dislike cream cheese therefor dislike cheesecake.  The kicker.... Cheesecake is my absolute favorite dessert to make.  I love all the different kinds and variations there are.  I usually volunteer to make it for most events.  I have even made it just to take to the neighbors.  I know, I have mental issues, but I embrace them as things that make me an individual.

Next on my EEEWWWIIIEEE!!! list.  I HATE MICE!!!  Let me tell you my traumatic childhood experience that has lead to the demise of the poor helpless creatures that I come across. ( who am I kidding I won't even touch the traps once they have caught one so I leave it up to everyone else)

When I was about 3 years old we had horses.  My dad and grandpa Harris were in the process of feeding them and I guess I kept getting in the way.  My dad put me in the shed where they kept the hay.  Anybody know what mice like???  You guessed it HAY!  So I sat myself on a bail minding my own business when out of the corner of my eye I see something moving.  I looked down at the ground and it was literally crawling with mice EVERYWHERE!  I was up and to the door so fast.  Unfortunately the door was locked.  I stood  there banging on the door screaming and they didn't let me out.  People at work think it is hilarious to freak me out with a fake rat.  I on the other hand don't find it to be as funny.

Well there you have it.  The list of things I dislike.  You can think I am a strange one and that is fine by me.  Just know if you are one who has scared me with a rat, you will get yours.  : )

Day 6 A picture of somewhere I have been...

Over the course of my life I have had the opportunity to take a few vacations.  Some big and some small.  I love to travel and see new places.  I have been to the Redwood Forrest, Yosemite, Yellowstone.  I grew up on the beaches in southern California.  So here are a few pictures of my more long distance places I have been to.

At the age of 14 Jordan has been able to travel to Disneyland 3 times.  It is nice that it is close enough that you can make the drive in one day.  Our last trip was this last October and we went with my cousin and her kids.  It was an action filled vacation that they wont forget.

In the summer of 2004 we took a  trip with Jarom's whole family to Detroit.  I know you are thinking who vaca's in Detroit?  We do!  It was an awesome trip.  Out of ten days we only had 1 that we did nothing but sit at the pool.  We went to the zoo.  Took a tour of the Ford museum and Ford homes.  We drove to Ohio and went to Cedar Point.  Best amusement park I have EVER been to.  They had so many roller coasters you didn't know where to start.  We also drove to Niagara Falls for two days on this trip.

This is the Maid of the Mist.  It's a boat that takes you pretty dang close to the falls.  They even give you a poncho but it still doesn't keep you dry.

The falls at night are gorgeous!  On the weekends they even set off fireworks over them.  We spent all day there admiring the power and beauty of Niagara Falls.


Now last but not least a couple of my favorite trips.  I have been to Puerto Vallarta 3 times and Acapulco once.  I have some great memories from these trips. 

This is a small little bay where the movie Night of the Iguana was filmed.

This is a view from a small restaurant we have eaten at.  Puerto Vallarta was by far my most favorite.  Probably explains why I have been there three times.

This is the Mayan Palace, where we always stayed.  The service is amazing, and the views are beautiful.  Watching the sunset on the beach here is what I imagine heaven to be.

This is the coastline in Acapulco.  It is beautiful also, but a little too crowded.

You are not seeing things.  That is a man soaring in the air diving into the waters below.  THEY ARE CRAZY!!  The cliff divers are a very popular attraction.  The space and time frame they have is something I would never want to mess with.

So here are just a few places I have been.  I have been blessed to travel to the places I have been to.  I can only hope to add a few more places to my list.

Day 5 15 songs that represent you and your life's soundtrack...

It was difficult to only pick 15 songs.  I love music and have an eclectic collection on my I pod.  Here are a few that have represented something at some point in my life.  In no particular order.

1.  Just Dance by Lady Gaga- I think this is self explanatory.
2. Fishin' in the Dark by the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band- I think this is a cute fun song and I have loved it since I was like 9.
3. I Can See Clearly Now by Johnny Nash- This is mine and my sisters song.  We used to dance around to it in our underwear.
4. Stay by Sugarland- No explanation.
5. Closer To Love by Matt Kearney- The first verse in this song remind me of the painful phone call I received from the doctors telling me my cancer had returned and I need to undergo radiation again.
6. Bubbly by Colbie Caillat- This just makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.
7. Part of Your World from The Little Mermaid- I know this entire movie word for word and I could probably recite it without it even being on.
8. Come What May from Moulin Rouge- I love this movie and this song is how I want to feel about someone someday.
9. I'm Gonna Be (500) Miles by The Proclaimers- I will do just about anything for anyone.
10. Dynamite by Taio Cruz- Liz this one is for you!  Reminds me of all the jamming we do together.
11. I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor- Hell I already have survived!!!
12. Raise Your Glass by Pink- I love the way this song makes me feel.  This is mine and my friend Dawn's rocking tune.
13. Realize by Colbie Caillat- I think I am just in love with her.
14. Young by Hollywood Undead- I dig this CD.  I call it my angry music.  It makes great house cleaning tunes.
15. Jar of Hearts by Christina Perri- This would be my most recent.  This song is very powerful to me. It just reminds me up my relationship with Jarom.

Just a little more insight of my life.  This is alot of fun and so far I am enjoying this tremendously.  That is all for now : )

My three amazing, beautiful sisters!

I spent some time talking about my brothers in my last post. so I decided to tell you a little about my sisters.

Kelly Clegg

This is my sister Kelly.  Growing up I think we struggled to find common ground.  I had a difficult time having a sister that wanted to follow me everywhere.  Today though I love her to death.  She is an amazing mother of two very active boys.  She lets them cook and does the best activities with them.  I wish I could be half the mom she is to her kids.  I have rarely seen her loose her temper with them, and they love their mommy very much.  When you put the two of us together you better watch out.  The crazy that happens, most people would not be able to handle.  Even her own husband has never seen this side of her.  She is so much fun to just hang out with and have girl talk.  I couldn't ask for a better sister.

Liz Harris

Liz is married to the oldest of my brothers.  It takes a special kind of person to deal with military life and she does it without a complaint.  She live 1000's of miles from home and she loves every minute of it.  I can always count on her not to judge me for any wrong decisions I have made.  She just listens and gives the best advice she knows how.  Most people complain about their in laws, but not me.  The love that she has for my brother is unmatched and I can only wish them the best.

Lynzie Harris

Lynzie is married to the youngest of my brothers.  It take a special person to keep up with him.  She is the sweetest, most outgoing person I have ever met in my life.  She is athletic and loves the challenge of trying to beat Kit at anything.  She will do anything for anyone with the biggest smile you have ever seen.  When you are around her you can't help but smile.  Even the few times I have seen her cry she is still smiling.  Her and Kit are a perfect match and i know she will be very strong during his deployment.

I love these girls with all my heart.  I could never trade them in for all the money in the world.  All four of us have a special bond.  One that could not be broken.  I feel I am the luckiest girl in the world to have been blessed with such a marvelous family.  Thanks to Kel, Liz and Lynzie for making me strive to be a better person.  I love you all so very much!

Day 4 Something/Someone you are proud of...

I am proud of many things.  I am proud of how I have dealt with adversity in my life.  How I have overcome every obstacle I have encountered.  How I can always smile even though I feel like dying.  Here are the things I am MOST proud of though.

I am so proud of these little guys.  They have made me a better person.  They have taught me that there really is no point crying over spilt milk.  Or soda spilt on a freshly moped floor even.  It is amazing the life lessons you can learn from someone so small.  I only can hope they will grow up to be amazing men.

Sargent Jeffery J. Harris

He was the first of my brothers to join the military.  It wasn't a complete shock.  I feel that is has changed his life for the better.  He has made goals and so far has been able to reach them one by one.  He has such great character and I have such a strong bond with him.  Together we have had our trials and overcame each one.  He also has the love of an amazing wife that walks by his side through this journey he is on.  I love them both so very much.

PFC Brant M. Harris

He was the last of my brothers to join and that was a bit of a surprise.  His reason was to get through school.  His dreams are to finish school and that I feel is very important.  He is so funny and can make ANYONE laugh no matter what kind of mood they are in.  My boys look up to all their uncles.  He is the last single Harris so if there are any takers. 

Lance Corporal Christopher W. Harris

a.k.a. Kit

This kid has the most energy of anybody I have met in my life.  He has always been the go, go, go type.  He said boot camp was a blast for him because it was always who could be the fastest or strongest so it was nothing but a big game for him.  He also has the love and support of a wonderful woman.  He is now on deployment and we will miss him tremendously.  I can only hope for him to return safely.

I have always considered myself a patriotic person so to have all my brothers serving in the armed forces is awesome.  They are great men who only strive to be greater each and everyday.  Although they each live in different parts of the country they are always close in my heart.  I am so proud of the sacrifices they have made to defend our country.  I love them with all my heart and may God keep them all safe from harm.